Sometimes our best-laid plans go to waste. After such an exciting week full of new career prospects and attending several Pilate’s classes, unfortunately I managed to catch a viral throat infection, which left me feeling pretty sorry for myself. This blended together with my last migraine (food triggered), meant I couldn’t work out what headaches was what? A migraine headache plus another headache! Not what I had planned for this week but never mind. So let’s just say we have definitely got our moneys worth of our Netflix subscription this month!
Subsequently it’s no surprise that I was feeling pretty low this week. After having had such a clear goal and focus again, it had literally given me a new lease of life. A feeling I hadn’t felt for so long. I had meaning in my life again which is something I have truly had to battle with recently in my heart.
Going from being an independent strong person, an avid money saver and hard workingwoman, this illness robbed me of all of the above to leave me a shell of my former self. Apart from the relentless pain, mentally I suffered at the hands of this soul-destroying condition. I completely lost my confidence, my spirit but most of all my self worth. I had a daily battle to simply get myself showered and dressed in the morning as what was the point? Who was I anymore? Most of all, I had lost my purpose in life, and this for me, was where I truly became a lost soul.
As I began to recover and make steps towards regaining my life again this should of only filled me with ecstatic joy, in which it did to a certain point. However always being such a ambitious and driven person, the fact I wasn’t well enough to work and couldn’t hold down a job anymore was what left me so very lost and feeling lonely. You never realize at the time how much a job shapes your life and gives you meaning. It determines friends you make, your weeks structure, gives you a daily routine, a reason to get up in the morning and even makes you appreciate the days off you have. As when everyday is a day off, what is the point?
Friends would comment, “Why don’t you just become a Jumeriah Jane!” However spending all day lunching, shopping and maxing out their husband’s credit cards week after week is not something that would make myself proud again. I had bigger dreams I wanted to fulfill.
Around Christmas time my husband and myself were back in England visiting friends and family when I decided I really needed to speak to someone professional as the daily cycle of my headaches was literally making me crumble as a person. “Why don’t you feel good enough Christie?” Kate my therapist would repeat over and over, in which I replied in a flood of tears and emotion whilst reaching for the nearest tissue. “I am nothing, I do nothing and I am achieving nothing right now!” This was a real low point for me. I literally dreaded visiting family and friends to hear about their huge career achievements or how well their own business was going, or what exciting new adventure they were due to take part in. It only left myself feeling like a failure and “a nobody.” I was now known and defined by my headaches, which only filled me with heartbreak and pain. When in fact I should have been focusing on the unconditional love and support that everyone was giving me.
Where I am going with all of this is that recently I have discovered that finding a purpose again, no matter how small can really help you to grow as a person and aid your recovery. If you are sitting at home now and can relate to this in any way, my advice to you would be to you make a list of all the things you love doing and try and incorporate one of them in to your life each day. Set yourself a goal to achieve, no matter how small it may be and work towards it and then praise yourself when you do it. Even if it’s as simple as taking ten minutes out of your day, light a candle and simply meditate. Or learn a new skill perhaps? The Internet has a world of information ready for you to discover at your fingertips. You can pretty much learn anything you want online these days.
At the beginning, I deciding that each evening I would go for a walk around our lake, this then lead me to start working out in the gym again a couple of times a week and so I had some kind of schedule for myself. I then enrolled on an online French course in which I set myself a target of doing so much studying each day. Since then, I recently volunteered for Feline Friends which is Cat charity in Dubai, in which I helped out at their open day finding loving new homes for their cats. This has progressed so that I now volunteer in my local area to trap, neuter and release stray cats to limit breeding in our area. Along with this blog, which I am so passionate about, I’m running out of hours in the week! Plus I’m now going to commence a personal trainer course shortly. I think I have found my mojo again!
Before you know it, you will stop focusing on what you can’t do, and what you CAN do instead! Subsequently the more you CAN do, it will propel you to do even more, hence your recovery begins! It’s the law of attraction at its finest once again. The only impossible journey is the one you never begin. So take the first step, you know you want to…
#LOA #Health #Volunteering #Myjourney #Health #Happiness #Purpose #Learning